Journal of Vehicon 00C894A9
by Autobot traitor
Summary: Vehicon 00C894A9 was a normal solider to the Decpeticon cause with a stuttering defect and wondering mind. Steve suggests for him to start a journal which he reluctantly does. Then he found about the Earth thing called the internet. What fun. Warning for spelling, grammar errors, swearing, possible slash, light hearted steve bashing
1. Internet

**In the process of re-editing some chapters**

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 **Vehicon trooper 00C894A9 has logged in.**

 **Glitch has logged in**

So how to start this data pad journal entry, I suppose I should start with my name which is odd since the only con that going to be reading this will be me.

Hello, my designation is Vehicon 00C894A9 which would be a pain to keep typing that so I'm just refer myself as Climber. Just ignore the name logged in, my batch mates keep changing it to Glitch. Remember me, you love them as decepticon brothers in arms and all that but they can be total fraggers. Just because I have a slight defect in my vocalizer so my sentences come out stuttered doesn't give them the ok to give me the nickname, Glitch. I been trying to get them to change it to Climber but no such luck (yet).

"Why don't you go to Knock Out and get it fix then if you want them to stop" my squad captain says.

You might think oh, he's such a good commanding officer but he was smirking (I know it's impossible to tell with the face mask) but it was in his tone! Everyone knows that if you don't go visit Knock Out unless you unconscious or on the verge of death. Let alone a harmless voice defect! Considering the horror stories of Vehicon walking in for small repairs only to be experimented on or chopped up by his feared buzzsaw. I rather be known as the con with the small harmless voice defect then the stupid con that was killed for bothering Knock Out for something stupid. Less of a mouthful to say.

Why Climber? I don't know because I have a strong passion for climbing? I know, I know. I suck at names but at least I'm not Steve. I mean what kind of nickname is _**Steve,**_ it's a squish earth name that I'm pretty sure is stupid by their standard. Well besides, his non-existent naming abilities and uncomfortable obsession with Commander Starscream(( **Note to self: DO NOT ASK STEVE ABOUT STARSCREAM EVER AGAIN))** , Steve is a alright Vehicon trooper to be around. I dare call him a friend, a stupid, stupid friend but still. He was even the guy that said to start this journal because it's a good way to express my emotions and thoughts through text or something. I stopped listening to him after he started telling me the long poems he wrote about Starscream. I'm doing this mostly because I'm bored right now…

Primus, I can tell this is already going to be stupid.

So currently I'm on security camera monitor duty, bored out of my processor looking at multiple screens of rooms and hall on the nemesis. Sure occasionally you see someone you know do something stupid or embarrassing. Like watching your idiot friend semi- stalk Starscream in the halls but that's more sad to watch. Since we been keep the down low from the Autobots, we have a four soldier shift rotation, we don't have to worry about that type of break in. Everyone takes turns watching the monitor while the other three get to make small talk and rant about something. Well unless Communication officer Soundwave swings by to creepily stare, um I mean check up on the security monitors.

This is something he does quite frequently and for undetermined amount of Soundwaves enters the room, no one attempts talk and the atmosphere gets super tense and silent. And I swear that every time Soundwaves leaves to go elsewhere on the ship that everyone in the room (including me) sighs in relief and the talking starts back up again.

I mean, you can never tell what the guys thinking or if he was staring at you or the monitor next to you. Don't get me started on how quiet he can be, it's almost like he brings silence wherever he goes. It is both unnerving and impressive skill to have. Also if he were to find this journal, I super respect him and I hope he knows that I don't mean any disrespect.

All Hail Megatron.

So besides watching the multiple security feeds, praying doesn't do anything dumb on your shift and Soundwave doesn't pay the room a visit, it's pretty boring. So after dutifully staring at the multiple screens for a good 3 joor, I'm currently deciding maybe to check out what the natives on this backwards planet called that internet.

It couldn't hurt to check out for a few kliks, I mean how entertaining can it be?

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Youtube. Tumblr. Fanfiction. Anime. Cartoons. Video Games. Markiplier. Japan. Manga. Pewdiepie. Vine. Cryaotic. Twitter. Cat videos.

So addicting, I can't stop clicking and watching these pointless stupid earth videos. Damn you squishes and your love of cat videos and all things cute. I'm supposed to be a cold sparked soldier of the noble and feared decepticon cause; I'm not supposed to feel warm and fuzzy from watching small hairy organic meowing. I had to force myself to stop and check the security screen once and awhile.

Thank goodness that 005555A1 or "Bob" (So unoriginal) told me it was his turn to take over monitoring duty; I was pretty sure the others on shift with me were starting to suspect I wasn't really working. Not that they were going to report me or anything, I mean I saw two them play the earth game minesweepr when they thought no one was looking. So I wasn't too worried.

Bye journal I need watch this video titled "Carmelldansen Dance"

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Please feed me reviews, follows, and favs. I need them to live


	2. Knock Out Game

Pre-Transformer Prime

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A lone vehicon hides in one of the countless storage rooms in the Nemesis, quietly huddled in the darkened corner of the room. Hesitantly, he brings out a banged up looking data pad from his subspace compartment and logs in.

 **Vehicon trooper 00C894A9 has logged in.**

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 **Climber has logged in**

Hey journal,

It's been 4 earth weeks since my first entry/ discovery of the wondrous but cursed thing squishes call the internet. Nothing much happened on the nemesis, well, besides finding a large energon depository and setting up another mining operation. No Autobot activity which is good since we're on the DL, you know down low, it's a squish saying.

Ok, just one thing I need to rant about before I can continue with this journal. Screamer did another speech today, I mean Commander Starscream, which was basically about him taking in all the credit of discovering the large energon deposit. From the way he prattled on about it, it was like he was the one that spent manning the ships energon scanner for even a trace of energon or dug through the dirt himself.

I shouldn't be pissed (another squishy phrase, means to be angry) I mean I wasn't ones on monitor duty or one of the miners who dug up the energon. So why do I feel so...irritated? I should be happy, more energon, whoopy and all that. Why does it matter who got the credit? It never bothered me before, ugh too much thinking, Ok now that the ranting part of the journal is over.

Ok maybe a little more ranting.

It's just, how can other cons find Starscream attractive? Sure his appearance (seeker model, sleek/slimming frame, perky arf which is only perky because his heels ((Really heels?))) and position of power is attractive features but you would think his….."Sparkling personality" and "musical" voice would be a huge turn off but no. Pit, he has a fan club among the vehicons now.

Ok, maybe the club is kind of my fault. Quick explanation/storytime..

So Steve, yeah the Steven with the also creative name, and I were talking about anime which somehow lead to Starscream. Which happens a lot around Steve the poor love sick smuck. It went something like this..

 **Steve** : So young squishes transform into magical versions of themselves and fight crime?

 **Climber** : Yeah, they get ridiculous costumes. For some reason older male squishes even start fan clubs for these fictional characters.

 **Steve** : Fan club?

 **Climber** : You know, Fan Clubs. You know an organized group of fan of a famous individuals or fictional Characters.

 **Steve** : *Gets an intense look on his face but you can't really tell since he wears a mask*

 **Climber** :...Steve?

Then Starscream's fan club was formed with Steve acting as club president. Not only that, Starscream might have heard of the club since his been in a good mood, preen in the new found attention. I wonder how happy he would be if he only found out the group only consisted of 10 members out of the hundreds of Yeah, that happened...on a more least revolting note..

So I invented (stole) a fun game from the squishies called Knockout and introduced it to my batchmates. Let me explain the game to you, it involves at least two mechs and Knockout. Who ever saw Knockout has to say the medic name to the other first gets to punch the other guys in the arm. It was stupid and harmless game that became an inside joke among my squad. It was hilarious for the first few times but it quickly got out of hand. Other Vehicons started to join in and then it became too violent.

The playful punches quickly violent brawl out because we're decepticons (duh) which that led to an increase of visits to the med bay. To make thing even more obvious, some idiots continued to play the game in front of the medic. Knockout then complained to Starscream who quickly announced the "Knockout game" was banned. Luckily he doesn't think it was worth his time to find out who started the game to punish and Knock Out was amused. However the Trooper captains thought otherwise since it was an embarrassment to the honorable decepticon name and such.

Our squad's captain found out that we were the problem starters and punished us with a punch to the helm, double monitoring shift and halved our share of energon for the next cycle. Everyone was pretty pissed about it but they were mainly pissed at me.

Joy.

So when it was my turn to receive punishment, to my surprise Captain BB-00042001 don't assign me monitoring duty. He just stood there looking at me with a glint in his visor and informed me that I was temporally assigned me to the med bay duty to assist Knockout. Cruel irony.

Snakingly, I saluted him before turning in the opposite direction and screaming/running away- I mean tactical retreating. Currently I'm hiding in one of the unused energon storage rooms so I should wait until his forg-

" **There you are you little Glitch!"**

Startled Climber dropped the data pad as he turned around to see one of his batchmates blocking the doorway with two others. The cornered vehicon steps backwards until his back hits the wall, the other three closing in.

"Um, he-hey guys let's d-d-do any re-re-re-greatful now…."

"Who said we were going to regret anything," answered one of my batch mates.

Jerks.

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Reviews and suggestions welcomed (*cough*Pleasetheykeepme going*cough*) ,


	3. Med Bay Hell

Warning for mild language

Vehicon trooper 00C894A9 has logged in.

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Climber has logged in

Sup Journal, It's been a three Earth weeks and big surprise, I'm not dead!

Turns out my "loving" batch mates only gave me a few dents here and there, you know, to get the point across before dragging me to the Med-Bay. I'm not going to deny that it was pretty embarrassing to be dragged to the med bay only to be awkwardly stared at by the Captain and Knock Out. So after the brief silence, the captain informed me that I was to work under Knock Out until the medic decided to kill me or return me when it became clear that I was completely useless defect. Ok, he don't say it exactly say it like that but the tone was there. But the jest of it was that I was working for Knock Out for an undetermined amount of time.

So basically I was his slave and no, not in the kinky way me. Not in the kinky way.

My duties consisted of cleaning the med bay and all the medical equipment from top to bottom until everything shined with cleanliness, which wasn't that bad since it wasn't that much space and equipment to actually clean. (Thank Primus) After the second week of cleaning the med-bay up to his standard, Knockout deemed me competent enough to clean his more personal equipment.

And no, nothing perverted. I know what you're thinking me!

When I mean personal equipment I mean his personal maintenance equipment. Who knew how OCD Knock Out was about the cleaning of his personal maintenance equipment.

I swear he spent a good joor telling/threatening me about what order all his buffers should be in and how expensive and customized the paint he uses is. Not saying I wasn't scared out my circuits because I was but a joor really? *sigh*

Anything I do is assist in scavenging and sort out spare parts from the metal remains of the experiments/fatally wounded patients before taking them to the ships smelter. Ugh. Just thinking about this…"necessary" duty make want to crawl back to the barracks and watch funny light hearted sitcoms on Netflix or look at cute hedgehog videos

Another duty of mine was to assist Knock Out during surgeries/repairs which ranged from handing him tools to applying restraints on a rowdy patient. Which really wasn't fun since the first two week since it basically consisted of "I said .5 drill bit not a .7 drill bit, can't you tell the obvious difference you idiot!" or "I asked for an opened ended wrench not a socket wrench. Honestly do I always have to do everything myself".

Don't get me started on how many times I had to replace my visor due to rowdy patients franticly trying to escape from the restraints. I try not to shudder thinking where I get all these spare parts. Two weeks in I have completely given up trying to look nice anymore with the scratches and dents on my chest plate. Why spend time maintain my paint job when I could be catching up on Black crossed that the second season lives up to the hype of the first season. I swear I almost sarcastically said yes my Lord to Knock Out when he ordered me to clean the floor for the third time in two days.

Almost.

When I went to the dining hall to get my sad half share of energon, I was cornered by a few miners. Which was intimidating since I was by myself (my batchmates decided to abandon me and treat me like a diseased outcast for a while) and surrounded by 5 miners. I guess they were curious about the trooper that cause enough trouble to become Knock Out's slave.

One of the miners commented on how funny it was that I was downgraded into some cleaning drone, I asked back that I wasn't one but just one Hell of a Butler. It was totally a sick burn that no one but feeling mean, they don't beat me up like the school bullies in those cliché human school movies but they did take my "lunch money" aka sad small energon share before leaving me alone. Jerks. Steve come over to my side after they left, coward, and I repeated my "clever" comeback to him.

Steve totally got it because he laughed before splitting his energon share in half and giving it to me. Steve is totally my Bro. My poor Starscream obsessed bro but still my bro. Which is sad since its Steve, no offense Steve.

Primus, I'm lonely.

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Review, follows and favs keep me going. Cause I'm just that needy.


	4. Hello Nurse

**Thank you to matronium, lolbutten, PenArt for supporting me.**

Thank you to PenArt who has been supporting me for two chapter so far!

 **Vehicon trooper 00C894A9 has logged in.**

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 **Climber has logged in**

So it's been about four and a half earth months since the last journal ((yes it's been a long time since my last entry, I almost forgot about this journal)) and I can safely say that things are looking up for me. Well, kind of.

Knock Out and I have fallen into a comfortable routine of sorts in the med bay. -That right, I'm still working at the med- bay, shocking I know.- I get to the med bay one hour earlier than Knockout to clean and get everything set up for him. During the day, I'm on standby, ready to rush in an assist in any way possible. Which isn't much since Knock Out forgets I even exist sometimes, too absorbed in his work or maintaining his paint job. I spend most of this time watching anime with the volume off and reading subtitles on my data pad. Recently I watched a show about an orangey haired human with an attitude problem that can see ghosts and monsters. Full of violence which was mildly entertaining, it helps me take my mind off the season two of Black Butler. The blond brat reminded me too much of Starscream for some reason.

Oh, I found about a delightful site the humans call Tumblr and made myself an account. I found a lot of hilarious gifs, strangely cute baby animal and Art work. Humans as squishy and weak as they are never fail to impress me with their skills in the arts. I mean Cybertronians Art isn't exactly something that survived centuries of war and chaos.

Anyways just move on to a less depressing topic, Knock Outs a complete artist and genius when his in his element. Not that I will ever admit out loud to the guy. When I'm not watching anime, I watch him work. It's strangely fascinating watching him fix someone up or unfortunately cutting someone up. ((Their usually already dead so it's not that gross to watch, Primus, I'm getting too use of this job))

Oh yes, our "relationship" has become less degrading obedient master drone and more professional commander and subordinate. I mean he stopped calling me "You there" or Drone which I hoped meant that he was starting to view me more than some cleaning drone. But of course there are the little awkward moments where he don't know what to call me. My formal designation is too much of a hassle to say every time and I highly doubted he remembered it but drone don't quite fit during one of these awkward moments, I told him that everyone called me, Climber. He promptly laughed, yes laughed right to my face plate.

Remember me, he is a total asshole. That right, I'm going to be using earth swear words now.

And me being the dumbass I am decided in that moment to have some bolts and make a "witty" comeback. I stuttered something among the lines of "At least no one calls me Doc Knock, that's totally not a cool nickname"

Why did my comeback sound like fucking compliment? Agh, so stupid! That made me seem more like a fanboy, which I'm not! I'm not Steve! Maybe I should have said, Knock Out? How about Come Out? Because you're totally flamboyant….Nope, just nope.

Luckily instead of taking offense to my poor attempt of mocking a superior, Knock Out merely shook his helm lightly and gave me a patronizing smirk that said "Oh how adorable, the little trooper's trying to insult a superior and failing epically". Yes, his smirk really was that patronizing. Primus I wanted to punch him um not that I would because that would be insubordination. *looks over shoulder nervously*

Anyway he then went on and say, "If I'm the Doctor I suppose that makes you my nurse. It has a charming ring to it right Nurse?"Technically I really can't object which sucks big time. And much to my horror and dismay the name is catching on. My batchmates (who finally deciding to accept me back into the "loving" fold) are calling me "Nurse" now, even my uptight Captain is starting to call me that. Pit, even vechicon troopers I never met are calling me nurse. Which is irritating. It was a step too far when _Steve_ called me Nurse, I couldn't help but tackle him to the ground.

Not only that but since I became Knock Out's official/nonofficial "nurse", Knock Out found it only fitting I learn more about medical things much to my dismay. Which meant more comments of my low intelligence and how I (lowly trooper) should be honored to be learning from the best. Good bye hours of lazily standing around watching anime. Hello somehow cramming medical knowledge quick enough in my processor not to have Knock Out yell at me.

*sigh*

Now that he paying more attention to me, he has to look at my "horrible" paint job. Please don't get me started on how Knock Out lectures me on the importance of maintaining my paint job and how badly my scratched up paint job is such an optic sore to look at. The guy was bored enough to supervise me while I redid my paint job in front of him. It was a very awkward experience that shall never be repeated again and never to be spoken off. And to make sure it never happens again, I wake myself up early to touch up my paint job every day.

Um, No Autobot activity the past 4 months also which means everything's been quiet recently. Hopefully it stays that way.

 **Vehicon trooper 00C894A9 has logged out.**

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 **Remember, reviews/favs/follows keep me alive.**


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